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apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

(Source: secretsbest)

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

rad-and-broke:

campdracula5eva:

youbestnotmiss:

smitethepatriarchy:

viva-la-fat:

"You’re 6’4", 240-pound Marine, and you’re injured, and you need a Marine next to you to carry you back to safety, and the Marine next to you is a 5’4" woman who weighs 115 pounds,"

No problem.

in before “well most women can’t do that” because NEWS FLASH most men can’t either, that’s why it’s a highly specialized career that requires a lot of devoted training

One of my former coworkers was a very slim girl only a tad taller than me, and she was training to be a fireman, and she could lift the biggest dude on my crew like this who was around 6’5 and super bulky.One time she picked him up and ran around the crew room with him for about 5 minutes before letting him down.

Even though I haven’t exercised in over a year—if you count DDR—and I’m incredibly petite (5’0”, 100 lbs), I can carry most guys. If they’re under 200 lbs, I can run with them on my back for 5 blocks, but I can walk for a mile. Once they’re about 250, I can only walk about a block or two before my spine feels like it’s about to break. If I were in a survival situation and their life depended on it, I could go on much further, until my legs gave out.

It’s why I hate the bullshit that women are inherently weak. Nah, man. Nah.

Tangentially related to the blog’s theme, but I see the “women are too weak to handle the normal armor” comment come up often enough that it made it into the Female Armor Rhetoric Bingo.

So yeah, for the record: women are not significantly weaker than men. Especially if we talk about people with lots of training in terms of fighting and/or saving lives. Especially especially if we consider that there are techniques and moves, like this one, specifically designed for smaller people to handle some heavy weight.

And that’s all said while we ignore that most armors are not as heavy as common myth lets us believe!

~Ozzie

Dad on cultural appropriation. (conversation was in Spanish)

  • Me:

    Hey Dad, I have a question

  • Dad:

    Alright, lets see if it's within my reach

  • Me:

    What do you think of cultural appropriation?

  • Dad:

    what?

  • Me:

    Cultural appropriation.

  • Dad:

    I think you mean acculturation.

  • Me:

    yeah, I do. But I was using the term the Social Justice Morons use.

  • Dad:

    It's a necessary part of being human, you can't just keep the one culture all of your life!

  • Me:

    So how offended would you be if a bunch of white people started speaking Spanish?

  • Dad:

    Offended? I would be glad, at least they speak my language!

  • Me:

    What if a white guy made tacos?

  • Dad:

    what kind of taco? why would I be offended? Did I invent it and patent it?

  • Me:

    Nope, just an ordinary taco made by a white guy.

  • Dad:

    Why would I be offended? It would like a German guy getting offended because I grilled a hamburger

  • Me:

    Well, because it's a Mexican food, it was discovered and is integral to Mexican culture. What if a white person doesn't respect the history of the taco.

  • Dad:

    When the woman who first created a taco did that, did the Angels descend from heaven with a deed and a copyright form signed by God informing us that only Mexicans can make it?

  • Me:

    Nope. It's just a taco.

  • Dad:

    Precisely, it's a taco, eat it. I would actually be happy for that white guy, tacos are pretty good.

  • Me:

    What if Tyler wanted to celebrate El Dia de Los Muertos? On his own?

  • Dad:

    Tell him to pace himself the skulls are made of pure sugar.

  • Me:

    What if he wanted to celebrate El Dia de la Independencia?

  • Dad:

    Culture is not something handed to you by God to protect and nurse, it's just something that happens to you, and when you think you have it figured out, it changes. That's what cultures do. They change. You know what these people are trying to do, right?

  • Me:

    Yeah,

  • Dad:

    They want us all to hate each other and not speak to each other. They want us Mexicans in Mexico, Afro-Americans in Africa, Asians in Asia and none of us talking or being nice to each other. With no resources, no trade, no rights, and only the one language that only we're allowed to speak so that we can't communicate with anyone outside. And that's after they'd kill off all the white people. They're like the KKK, if the KKK didn't have balls.

  • Me:

    I arrived at the same conclusion.

  • Dad:

    Make yourself a coffee.

  • Dad:

  • Dad:

    Just be sure it's Mexican *laughs*

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